24.12.09

necessary song change

Old Mr. Kringle is soon gonna wrangle
The hells that'll bringle all the troubles your way
Everybody's waiting for the man with the sack
Cause' Christmas is on your back
He's got a full load, and it's gonna explode
The stuff will be sloppin' on your carpet all day
Everybody's waiting for the man with the sack
Cause's Christmas is on the attack

He'll be here
With the cancer to the wares you wanted this year
You'll get yours
If you've done everyone you should, extra special good
He'll make this December the one you'll remember
The best and the shallowest you ever did have
Everybody's shakin', they're all masturbatin'
Waitin' for the man with the sack

Better stretch out now!

14.12.09

msnbc on the Xbox Dashboard

I turned off a news feature on Tiger Woods on a major news channel last week to play some Xbox. As the Xbox dashboard booted up I noticed a panel that was a link to another Msnbc report on Tiger Woods. Overkill is great for Modern Warfare 2 but not for some celebrity's life. I mean come on people there are other things going on in the world.

The report on Xbox Live was no so much on Tiger but on the random woman who was being payed by Msnbc to tell the story related to text messages she saved on her phone. The messages were supposedly between herself and Woods. I don't care. We don't need this much information on the mistakes of one celebrity. Why did I check out the story? Because pop journalism infiltrated my game console in the form of a train wreck I could not look away from.

Please, Microsoft, if you're going to give us random shock reports on celebrity high jinx then give us some real news spots too. How about a well explained piece on proposed health care packages currently being debated in Congress. I challenge Msnbc to lay out the multiple sides of that argument in a down to earth manner.

6.11.09

Ever been told you suck at gaming?

Have you ever been playing something, it could be anything from monopoly to basketball, and someone keeps talking about how someone else on their team sucks. I'm not talking about trash talking the other team. When you're getting really competitive everyone on the other team sucks. No, I'm talking about those game snobs you run into who feel the need to tell people on their own team how they should never touch the sniper rifle again. Or how someone should hang up their controller for good because they couldn't make enough of a difference in the game to get the win.

Here's the reality folks. We are playing these games for fun. Professional gaming takes place at large tournaments not on xbox live on Tuesday night. If you're practicing for one of those tournaments then suck it up and play better yourself. If you want to make money with gaming you're gonna need all the no win situation experience you can get. As for the rest of us, being bad at a game is usually a start that we learn from. Very few people are borne awesome at anything. On the other hand we all have our stupid areas. Those things we continue to fail at no matter what the stakes are. I would be late to a sleepover with Megan Fox. I have a friend who would leave his dick in a men's room if it weren't attached to him.

So, in light of these thoughts let's be nicer to new gamers or those who have their problem areas and are working to get better. We're all gaming for fun on xbox live in one way or another.

3.11.09

Texting vs. Voice

Texting in relationships can be great. For me it beats the hell out of sitting on instant messenger for 3 hours a night during the late ninety's. And it really beats having a weird date with a very closed off girl in 2007 only to drive home and have a "real" conversation on instant messenger. By real in that last case I mean actual expression in a pathetically safe venue. Texting does not root you to a computer. This makes it a bit better, but not much.

I think we can all agree that texting is very convenient. We feel a buzz and we check the phone. Right, I should pickup some bread. This convince should make us realize that it doesn't count as real relationship communication. We need to hear each other's voices. Better yet, we should meet up and share some time together. Texting should be limited to small thinking of you comments, bread runs, and (my favorite) quick and dirty news flashes during a long work day. This type of text communication is useful and can make some one's day a lot better.

Just as true in romantic relationships as it is in friendships, your recipients should not feel pressure to answer back. This must be shared somehow. Random texting should not be a plea for attention, it should be a lightning bolt of fun. If you know that your textness is awesome funny just be in the moment and let them be in the same.

That's my 16 bits on relationship texting. Tell me yours. If you've ever had a bad fight or been dumped via texts let me know. If you have the person's gamertag I can do something childish about it for you. Good games till next time.

Shoptacular!

Halloween is dead. That was so last week. Now it's time to snub the giving of thanks and move onto the money maker. The Holidays are here. Just like the last three Novembers, I am currently finding myself between financial ruin and the fun place of owning all the great games coming out this season.
There is Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2. This one is necessary. I could get it now and be in the loop or stuck on the wrong side of a sticky grenade during my catchup fest on Christmas day. Well, when you put it that way I guess now is the best time to get in on game of the year. (Is it too soon to call that?)
What other games are must haves before the Holiday day of choice for you? Let me know what you can't be without for a month.
By the way, did anyone vote today? I should have snagged some kid's trick or treat bag before I showed up. I got more propaganda based candy than you could shake a little red book at. Democracy may give me diabetes.

27.10.09

Some annoying words in gaming

There are always words or cliche phrases that annoy us. As gamers, we know what pushes our buttons. To some it may be puns like that one. I'm really opening up a can of worms here. Some one's gonna have a bone to pick with me. O.K. I'll stop.

To any gamer I think one of the most annoying words to hear is delayed. Like if I were to say Modern Warfare 2 is delayed until February. I can only say that once per month or my xbox will catch on fire. Some poor reader may die of a heart attack tonight just because I typed that.

On a more personal note, I think one of the most enraging words used in gaming is pwned. Omfg, every time I see or hear this word I see nothing but red on my screen. I have to mutter through clenched teeth for teammates to get away from me so I don't pwn them. Damn, I said it again. It's a leetspeak slang version of the perfectly fine verb own, in this case meaning to destroy an opponent. Why can't gamers just use the term owned? Variations of the slang verb include powned, pwnage, pwn3d and pwnt. Jesus, I need to stop. This is killing me.

It also kind of annoys the hell out of me when people spell their names or gamertags with numbers or symbols as letters. I understand this is part of the whole leetspeak AscII art thing. To me it just means you can't think of a name without using some crazy numeral in the space of a letter in the original idea. The name Superman would have 20 morons spelling their bastardization anything like Sup3rman, 5up3rm4n or ${_}P3r/V\4(\).

So what annoys you in the gaming world? Here we can vent about it together. Good games till later.

Top 10 multiplayer videogames

I submit to you my top 10 list of multi player games. This is going to be controversial. Please give me your own lists. The criteria is broad, any video game online or otherwise that people can play with or against each other.

10. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time. For me this is where it really started back in the mall Arcade during the early 90s. As soon a Krang stole the Statue of Liberty I was ready to kick some serious shell. There is currently a remake available on Xbox live arcade that is pretty good.

9. Unreal Tournament. I'm just going to put the general name here because the editions changed so fast that you just had to update when you got to the lan party.

8. Counter Strike: Source. More horrible sprays than you can shake a deagle at.

7. Gears of War 2. On the 6th day, Cliff Bleszinski put a chainsaw on a machine gun and we saw that it was good.

6. Soulcalibur. The Dreamcast may have been a short lived system but the soul still burns.

5. Rainbow Six: Raven Shield. Text based trash talk, key binds and team killing wars. You could change your name anytime and keep ruining a douchebag's game night for hours. This game was lan awesomeness.

4. StarCraft. Going strong more than 10 years after its release. One man died after playing this game for over 70 hours at an internet cafe.

3. GoldenEye 007. The classic that made console shooters good for the first time. Pistols in the basement- yes, Oddjob is still off limits.

2. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. The sequel can't come soon enough. The COD games are all good but this thing was ridiculous good.

1. Halo 2/3. The second game in the series really did a lot for console multi player with the match making system. The game play and voice chat just creates a great situation for group entertainment. It's Friday night, do you know where Ryan the Rockstar's mother is?

20.10.09

If you can't say something nice...

I mentioned online smack talk in my last post, so I'd like to explain my view on it. What is trash talk online? It can be many things to many people and I'd like to hear every one's input. To me it's not simply getting mad and spouting obscenity. In my opinion it's done with the primary purpose of entertaining friends playing or watching the game. It's an art not unlike the work of Jackson Pollock. It's not always pretty, it doesn't make a lot of sense but it is going somewhere: either in the trash or in a museum.

I have an example. Now, I admit that a lot of my quick retaliation humor revolves around making fun of some one's mother. You might think that mom jokes are old and overused (like Ryan the Rockstar's mother.) But, you can simply change things up a bit and bring back that old spark (in the bedroom with Rockstar's mother.)

I forget exactly how this exchange started, beer was involved. Basically some kid was saying terrible things to my team after a round of Halo. After I started telling him about himself for a second he left the game lobby and sent me a message.

Stigli: I'm 11. (I guess trying to make me feel bad?)
Me: Wait is your mother a redhead? That age is about right, you could be my son.
Stigli: F-U

At the very least I entertain myself, but that one did get a few laughs that night. This is a basic example of stuff I say. An other would be yesterday when some kid was making fun of the symbol my team uses in Halo. I told him that I saw his team's squid symbol on a street corner last night using all eight of its legs to pass out his mother's 555 number.

At this time I would like to mention that according to xbox live rep statistics, 68% of the people I have played with online never want to play with me again. The thing is that people are going to say terrible stuff online while gaming. Why not have fun with it? Stay cool enough to let yourself come up with something better to say in return. Let me know your favorite trash talk situation, online or otherwise. Good games all.

Online, Downloaded and Partied Up

Online multi player gaming is such a great idea that I have no idea how we, as a species, survived without it for so long. It's a perfect venue for friends, separated by hundreds of miles, to come together and humiliate others together. Or be humiliated yourself of course but we'll get to that in a minute. I have a tip for this sort of thing.

A great game for multi player is one of the most popular on the market now. You may have guessed right, Halo. Now, I'm gonna guess that if you've played Halo (or any other game for that matter) online then at some point you've had someone, somewhere say something horrible about you or your immediate family. If you have I hope it wasn't me... unless you deserved it, in which case I say it's all part of the game. This last thought leads me to the reason for my gaming tip. If you party up allot on live you may be missing a great opportunity to smack talk under the best of circumstances. Like when people make fun of you or your team mates for some stupid reason in the pregame lobby. I'm talking about necessary retribution; those golden opportunities to entertain your friends by telling someone a little bit about them self. Things they never knew before, like the current whereabouts of their mother. But I digress.

My tip pertains to the way you have your speaker output set up on the Xbox. Just last week noticed a few different people who where totally unaware of this function of the party chat system. If you set your speaker output to play through headset and speakers you can hear the players in the regular game chat channel. You hear them through your TV speakers and your party members through your headset.
You achieve this setting by hitting the xbox button and selecting settings then preferences and then clicking on the voice tab. Here you will want to look at the voice output section and select play through both. That's it. Soon you will be hearing all the unnecessary comments about "those damn party chat users". Be sure to duck out of your party chat and greet them in anyway you see fit.
Please comment about your online game experiences. Let me know if you found this tip useful and if you have any others for me. Good games all.

25.9.09

Here's a game for you.

Welcome back. I would like to get right into looking at a game. This would sort of be a preliminary review, being that it just came out I have not played all the way through yet. Halo 3 ODST hit gamestop shelves last week like a blue whale in an above ground pool.

Most people tuned into entertainment today are aware of the Halo series. Some of you may be fans. Many others may wonder why they are continuing to make the same game over and over again. Allow me to put that sentiment in perspective. Anyone remember M*A*S*H*? It ran for ten years and people still want more. If that marvellous show (and I mean to marvel at it's ability to consistently put me to sleep) got that much attention we can let the Master Chief have his. I say let Halo go on and on forever like I wish Star Trek: The Next Generation would have.

Moving on.. this game is not actually about the Master Chief. In Halo 3 ODST we follow the story of a group of orbital drop shock troopers. The leader of which is played by the awesome Nathan Fillion. Firefly fans and those of you who have seen Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog should recognise his name. (Both of those productions are amazing and should be watched as soon as possible) In charge of the groups current operation is a mysterious naval intelligence officer played by the even more awesome Tricia Helfer. (Yes I am a Battlestar Galactica geek.)
These two voice actors are joined by other members of the Firefly crew. The characters in the game also bare a good resemblance to their voice counterpart, especially to that of Nathan Fillion's. This is a nice touch for fans and makes the game feel that much more like being inside a good movie.

The game is broken down into different play modes. The campaign mode is the main story. Here you take on the role of a new member of the ODST crew, aptly named the Rookie. When you think of this idea of being dropped from the orbit of a planet into a giant futuristic city it really sounds like allot could go wrong doesn't it? And it does go very wrong. You start the game by regaining consciousness six hours after your team dropped in to the city of New Mombasa, Africa. Your drop pod is stuck in a building and after you manually override the hatch release system you fall to the city streets, injuring your self for the first time. So you start off your journey by looking for medical attention. The game doesn't explain things to you in so many words. Figuring these things out for yourself is one of the games great rewards, in my opinion. Fortunately in the future, health care has reached the level of our cable TV system and is available "on demand" from numerous and conveniently located kiosks around the city.

With the first mystery solved, The Rookie moves on to answer the questions both he and the player are wondering about. What happened to his crew and what is really going on in New Mombasa? For fans of a good mystery and anyone who loves games, Halo 3 ODST is ready to impress.

I'll have more on this game in future posts. I won't spoil the plot here but there is another game mode to discuss, Firefight. Let me know what you think about the game if you're playing it. Or what you think of Halo in general. Thanks for reading.

22.9.09

Rough Start

Welcome to my video game based self expression space on the net! My name is Greg Garland and this is my first time creating a blog. This writing is being done for a class I'm taking in school aptly called Blogging. I'm not gonna lie, it's been a little rough for me and I'm about a week behind schedule. I've started and stopped and deleted a few times now and I just can't get something written that I actually like. As a result, I'm just going to get rolling with this paragraph of unnecessary honesty. Speaking of which let's start up this ketchup bottle with the first writing prompt from my class.

This first assignment was to talk about one that thing I love. Very hard for me when I think back on the numerous failed relationships in my past. A few of them are humorous, but I won't talk about them here unless someone asks me to. Regardless of that, when trying to think about that one thing I am passionate about, somehow I can't disconnect it from another. So there are two things that I link together when I try to describe my current great love. One is that I really enjoy helping friends and family when they need it. Being there for them in any way that they need me to be. Weather the be simply listening or driving out to the middle of nowhere and assisting them in driving their disabled car home, even when a tow truck would be a much more logical answer. The second is that I love testing myself. Seeing what I can do mentally and physically. And when I fail, like when trying to create a blog for the first time, I can focus on persevering. Enduring and learning from my experience. The two strengthen each other in my mind to the point where one can not be explained without the other's presence.

So there we have my answer to what I love. Now eventually this will be a video game blog. Yeah I know the internet needs another one of those like it needs another illegitimate father. The thing is that video games are a very accessible test that can bring friends together over the net in a pretty fun way. Why not have a conversation about them? So please feel free to talk in this space about games you like. I'll try them out too if I can find the means and we can share some ideas. Also please critique my writing and any ideas I have put forth. Feedback works! Xbox live users would be able to understand that one. Thanks for reading.